Lard Butt

In a today's world of staged reality TV and short attention spans, very rarely does a genuine event happen in which a person's mettle is tested in such a way that requires nothing short of heroics.

During a recent whitewater rafting adventure in Montana's Alberton Gorge, Lard Butt aficianado Fred Hansen faced a dilemma most will only fear:  Seated in his raft on an extremely hot summer's day, Hansen had just cracked open an ice-cold can of beer when a sudden jolt violently threw Hansen and his freshly open beer into the frothy rapids of the Clark Fork River. 

As the churning currents pulled Hansen under water, he bravely maintained the composure and presence-of-mind to not only keep his beer out of the river, but somehow managed to keep the can perfectly upright throughout the harrowing ordeal.   As Hansen was dragged into chilled whitewater chaos, he calmly extended his left arm above the river's fury, preserving the integrity of his full beer as the rapids ran their course (see photo) and as most of his raft-mates were unaware that he was suddenly missing.

A well-seasoned rafter, Hansen knew that his flotation device was robust enough to support the weight of both his body and his beer.  He also had the good instincts to use his non-beer arm to grab an oar attached to the raft, ensuring his and his beer's survival.

Soon, Hansen was back on the raft, enjoying the second sip of his still-intact beer, looking forward to future adventures.